Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
