she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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