I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize