Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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