So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
