okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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