happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize