So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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