The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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