I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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