I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize