i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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