I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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