I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
