Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
