Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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