she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
