Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
