brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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