She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
its liver damage thursday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
