I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
