On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
