FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
