Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
