True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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