member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
