The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
