Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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