the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently you make a good broom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
