Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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