morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
