when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
