it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
