As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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