i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize