He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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