I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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