Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
