I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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