my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
