Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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