So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
