I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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