It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
