I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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