Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
