Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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