ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
