You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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