I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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