It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
