I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
