it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
