I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Less talking, more tequila
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
