there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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