i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
