I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
