Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
