do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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