If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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