When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
