Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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