i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
