I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
