I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
