she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize