The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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